A peek at the peaks

Sometimes I blindly wonder as to what I would be doing 10 years later. At the age of 26, I guess. Firstly, imagining it itself seems like a dreadful task. It shoves jolts of fear down me. But I always see myself, wearing a coat and a formal skirt, my lip gloss shining, my curls falling over my cheeks, my stiletoes making a "tap - tap" noise over the floor, as I walk with a steadfast expression over my face. As i approach a big table, I hear a chorus of "good morning" .. And Bam!! I fall prey to the fear again. The doubts that get ejaculated in my mind.. regarding the dream.. Would it ever happen? Would I be able to fulfill my dream? I try to drive the desolation out of my mind, and resume the “dreaming in daylight” session shamelessly.

Somehow nothing ever feels amiss in my thoughts. The 26 year old Geethu is a successful woman. Extremely gracious, amiable, smart and beautiful. And of course, intelligent! Somewhat similar to a Sidney Sheldon lady protagonist. But with more decent aims of course. She is a superwoman, a role model for everyone. Her baby cousins adore her, her mum's proud of her. She always stays cheerful and sprinkles joy everywhere she goes. She wears diamond rings in three of her fingers and has her nails manicured to perfection. Whenever she walks by, she smells like fresh blossoms. Her eyes evince her innocence.

In case you lost track, I was talking about myself. All these things seem to be happening miles away. Maybe in a parallel universe situated in my head. And today's geethu is entirely devoid of all those characteristics. But still I have a ray of hope shining brilliantly in my head. My inner voice tells me that I own all the raw material and all I have to do is manufacture something phenomenal from it. Because when the lady dreamt of her future where she could become a big shot by just selling a pot of curd, she tripped down big time... thanks to her excellent assiduity towards her present life of course... (snorts)

Actually, I...

It's like one of those times when you have loads to say but you find no appropriate words that could give full justice to the thoughts sprinting in your mind. When movies read aloud the thoughts of a person, they are in the form of distinct words. But the real mind is just a whirlpool of vague emotions, which remain undistinguished from one another, sortof like a haphazard jumble. You can sense where the pieces fall in, but you fail to place them right. But when those pieces get attatched together, they give rise to a complex substance, commonly misjudged as realisation.. Well, I call it "opinion", the toughest thing that can be moulded..like ever. Most of the while, I deliberately prevent my subconcious from glueing those parts together because an opinion once formed or demolished cannot be regenerated. So, instead of throwing in a gallon of opinions into the vessel just to get contradictory results, let the pieces of your thought remain unassembled. There is seldom a need to arrive at a conclusion...
People often say that their heart aches, or skips a beat. No one can ever try to relate the incident to the real organ that pumps blood. I mean, why do you want to think about ventricular contractions when you are depressed? That's stupid and waaaay too dramatic, I suppose and at times I used to wonder why the 'heart' is given credit or blamed for everything. For instance " I put my heart and soul into my music". It can be regarded as impractical maybe.. Without beating about the bush further, I would say.."Now, that was an opinion" Though I do bluff a lot and say tons of emotional crap, there are few things I don't believe in.  And definitely some of them that I am strongly inclined to.
For instance, "supernatural elements". I actually don't know why I believe every tale I hear or see. Since childhood I live in this shiny glittering little universe of mine.. a blend of paranormal n mythical ages! I shamelessly do weird things like carrying a lucky stone with me everywhere I go.. I blindly assume illusions to be true.. Its probably way too sheepish of me to have such a perspective about things at this age. But finally, all these pieces fell into a pattern and told me that "I am special and rare"  Even today I wait for a glass shoe that fits me right or a secret closet that takes me to Narnia or  a broomstick that I would ride and play quidditch!
Honestly, I had no idea what I was going to write when I opened this page but there's no doubt that I poured out the turmoil in my brain perfect and maybe arranged the jigsaw! ;)