to beloved haters

 Let me come right out and say it...

This is not a hate post. I've been fortunate enough to not have received any hate (yet) for my music or any kind of artistic work I put out for the world to judge.

It is about a conversation that left me feeling hurt and disappointed. 

My mother was speaking to someone on the phone and mentioning how she really loved this particular singer from a reality show, whose style reminded her of another famous singer. 

In response, she got slapped with - "He is so terrible and out of tune. Just the way you're comparing him to renowned singers reflects your poor taste"

It sounded like something you would hear everyday. But, I was apalled hearing this statement, since I deem the below ideas unacceptable -

a) Criticising someone's singing and disrespecting their efforts that way, especially when you have no idea how tough it is to put yourself out there for the entire world to scrutinise.

b) Criticising someone's taste or choice to the extent of hurting them just because it doesn't align with yours. 

Sadly enough, these things are said and done so casually that I am probably going to receive hate for even making a tangible deal out of it. But I am going to proceed and justify the dismay I felt upon hearing this.

To start off, even I have never been a fan of this singer that my mom was talking about. I am getting trained in Carnatic music vocals and I have been learning music all my life.

Yet, I would never say such a thing because I don't have the balls to be on a singing reality show. I simply cannot imagine the effort that goes into learning a new song to perfection each week and being given one shot at presenting it in front of millions of viewers.

However, I do understand the mental sacrifices that accompany the choice of making one's bread and butter in this industry.  As the oh-so cliched comeback says, "If you can stomach the love, learn to stomach the criticism". Great. I agree.

But does it mean that, as audience, we have the right to express our opinions in the most insensitive manner possible? Are we that barbaric? Even when we're not criticising someone's work to their face, we're normalising this attitude by rapidly passing judgements. 

"But the person who stated this opinion is a trained singer", said my mother, responding to my retaliation.

"So?"

"So, I guess she thinks she can judge him and say that he sucks" 

"Oh, I would love to see clippings of her performances from a reality show that she participated in. Or the link to her YouTube/Instagram or any channel probably? 

Oh, none of that, you say? 

You say she has never put in the effort to record anything or even sing live? 

Hmm, I wonder what makes her better than this singer and makes her cocky enough to comment on something she has never ever attempted"

Bottomline is, be human and be kind. Before criticising someone's work, understand their effort and their journey. Or just shut the hell up. There is no fancy way of putting that out.

Most hobbies are nipped in the bud and millions of dreams fall prey to insensitive remarks that are tossed about without second thoughts.

Further, talking about criticising someone's taste that differs from yours, be mature enough to understand that everyone has different preferences. Learn to respect their choices instead of voluntarily hurting them and saying obnoxious stuff like "Damn, you got such bad taste" or "You listen to such weird music".

It's a sloppy movie but it brought a smile to someone's face. Isn't that worthy of respect?

So how can you express your criticism better? Just zip it.

OR - How about you try saying things like -

"I am not a fan of xyz's work, but I appreciate the effort. I hope she uses this opportunity to improve"

"I don't understand why you like xyz's music at all but it's commendable how he managed to touch millions of hearts out there with his work. More power to him"

Having said that, I have no right to dictate people or force them to be nice.

If you still love getting off on expressing mean remarks, hurting (and possibly scarring) your loved ones by cloaking it under the umbrella of "brutal honesty", please go ahead. 

I have the power to respectfully ignore your choice.