A peek at the peaks

Sometimes I blindly wonder as to what I would be doing 10 years later. At the age of 26, I guess. Firstly, imagining it itself seems like a dreadful task. It shoves jolts of fear down me. But I always see myself, wearing a coat and a formal skirt, my lip gloss shining, my curls falling over my cheeks, my stiletoes making a "tap - tap" noise over the floor, as I walk with a steadfast expression over my face. As i approach a big table, I hear a chorus of "good morning" .. And Bam!! I fall prey to the fear again. The doubts that get ejaculated in my mind.. regarding the dream.. Would it ever happen? Would I be able to fulfill my dream? I try to drive the desolation out of my mind, and resume the “dreaming in daylight” session shamelessly.

Somehow nothing ever feels amiss in my thoughts. The 26 year old Geethu is a successful woman. Extremely gracious, amiable, smart and beautiful. And of course, intelligent! Somewhat similar to a Sidney Sheldon lady protagonist. But with more decent aims of course. She is a superwoman, a role model for everyone. Her baby cousins adore her, her mum's proud of her. She always stays cheerful and sprinkles joy everywhere she goes. She wears diamond rings in three of her fingers and has her nails manicured to perfection. Whenever she walks by, she smells like fresh blossoms. Her eyes evince her innocence.

In case you lost track, I was talking about myself. All these things seem to be happening miles away. Maybe in a parallel universe situated in my head. And today's geethu is entirely devoid of all those characteristics. But still I have a ray of hope shining brilliantly in my head. My inner voice tells me that I own all the raw material and all I have to do is manufacture something phenomenal from it. Because when the lady dreamt of her future where she could become a big shot by just selling a pot of curd, she tripped down big time... thanks to her excellent assiduity towards her present life of course... (snorts)

Actually, I...

It's like one of those times when you have loads to say but you find no appropriate words that could give full justice to the thoughts sprinting in your mind. When movies read aloud the thoughts of a person, they are in the form of distinct words. But the real mind is just a whirlpool of vague emotions, which remain undistinguished from one another, sortof like a haphazard jumble. You can sense where the pieces fall in, but you fail to place them right. But when those pieces get attatched together, they give rise to a complex substance, commonly misjudged as realisation.. Well, I call it "opinion", the toughest thing that can be moulded..like ever. Most of the while, I deliberately prevent my subconcious from glueing those parts together because an opinion once formed or demolished cannot be regenerated. So, instead of throwing in a gallon of opinions into the vessel just to get contradictory results, let the pieces of your thought remain unassembled. There is seldom a need to arrive at a conclusion...
People often say that their heart aches, or skips a beat. No one can ever try to relate the incident to the real organ that pumps blood. I mean, why do you want to think about ventricular contractions when you are depressed? That's stupid and waaaay too dramatic, I suppose and at times I used to wonder why the 'heart' is given credit or blamed for everything. For instance " I put my heart and soul into my music". It can be regarded as impractical maybe.. Without beating about the bush further, I would say.."Now, that was an opinion" Though I do bluff a lot and say tons of emotional crap, there are few things I don't believe in.  And definitely some of them that I am strongly inclined to.
For instance, "supernatural elements". I actually don't know why I believe every tale I hear or see. Since childhood I live in this shiny glittering little universe of mine.. a blend of paranormal n mythical ages! I shamelessly do weird things like carrying a lucky stone with me everywhere I go.. I blindly assume illusions to be true.. Its probably way too sheepish of me to have such a perspective about things at this age. But finally, all these pieces fell into a pattern and told me that "I am special and rare"  Even today I wait for a glass shoe that fits me right or a secret closet that takes me to Narnia or  a broomstick that I would ride and play quidditch!
Honestly, I had no idea what I was going to write when I opened this page but there's no doubt that I poured out the turmoil in my brain perfect and maybe arranged the jigsaw! ;)                    

A hum on my lip...

I threw a wish in the well, dont ask me I'll never tell, I looked in you as it fell, and now your in my way.... your stare was holdin', ripped jean skin was showin', la la la... " GEethuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!! wake up" The annoying scream washed out the "carly rae jepson" rhythm that was beating my eardrums even when during my "slumber". I hopped downstage, blew an apologetic kiss to my fans, got into my limousine and opened my eyes.. Looking down at my flipflops, I tried remembering what those stiletoes looked like. Vivid images from the dream flashed across my mind, - the jazz beats, the lights, and shoot! Mom's shrill noise flooded them out again!
Well,!!! Here enters the daydreamer! That was the tale of my one random moment.
I was blessed with the name "Sangeetha", the sanskrit word for music. Maybe it's the major reason why I feel so connected with melodies. Any rhythm first penetrates deep down my heart before finding the path to my ears. I try searching for patterns and tunes in every sound I hear..
Wiping strands of wet hair, I came out of the bathroom after spending one blissful hour in the shower. I stopped and glanced across the room. Everyone was looking at me trying to hold  giggles. I raised my eyebrow. A hoard of applause flew in immediately, and the mocking began. "Here comes the singer! Great concert Sangi monkey!! People are trying to sleep here!!! And they are allured by your extremely annoying yells!" I just grinned like I didn't care and walked out with tears brimming in my eyes. I sing for myself, I judge myself and I believe that only person who can make me happy is me. Because when it comes to music, I cant easily impress.
Finally a big day arrived.The day came when I actually stepped up on a stage. Preeti didi held my shivering hand and said," Geethu, I want to tell you something before you give your performance.." I was standing backstage, peeping through the curtains, waiting for my name to be announced. I wasnt paying any special attention to her words. But I mumbled ," Sure, go on!"
"Where's your skirt?" she cried. "What??" I almost yelled, looking startled. Looking at my skirt, tightly fastened to my hip gave me relief. She laughed and said, "Chill sweetie! Don't get nervous! Sing for yourself!" I took deep breaths and stepped on the stage. One word and I suddenly heard my voice amplified... My mind failed to recollect my memories, failed to sense the world around me... I just sang for myself.. When no more words were left to accompany the melody, I stopped and stepped down. People walked up to me, praising me and enquiring about my music teacher. This gave me a lot of pleasure. But even today, whenever I sing for anybody other than myself, I sound very average.
"How was my song??", I asked a person close to my heart eagerly. "Oh! Why do you want to hear your own praise?", he said. "Am just asking your views!" I replied modestly. "Err... Umm... You looked good while singing!", he said after fractions of "deep thought". And I felt like "Shoot! I did it again! Why on earth did I open my mouth!"  But what I actually said was, " So, you mean to say, I looked better than I sounded?", I said. "Ya.. Just good to look at!"
Such instances make me understand the difference between the real me and how the world sees me. No matter how much pain large issues cause, a small screw up with musical notes and the criticism following it leave a burning unhealable mark within me. I still remember crying during the music class when I was unable to pick up the taalam of "ninnu kori". I remember clutching the harmonium closers and hurting myself purposely everytime my finger slipped out of a key. I remember the craze I have for music and the disappointment that I face...
I live in the joy that music provides me and the sorrow that it shoves down within me......

U amazing jerks swept me off my feet! :)

"From now, you are gonna be my secret treasure box", I said holdin her hand. "Dat'll be real fun! You know you can trust me!" , she replied grinning in excitement. Her chubby cheeks glowed with happiness on finding a true friend in me.. And I felt something more than joy.. A sort of honor, a feeling of deep gratitude.. And I was so surprised that a person grew so close to me within a month.
" Hmm.. what do I call you! Your name turns a simple sentence into a tongue twister!", I said. " call me anything you want Geethu!" she said assuringly.
 "Cherry!! " I cried immediately.  It was the first thing that flashed across my mind.
I've always believed in having a cartload of "hi - bye" friends and avoiding any "best friend" to walk in my life. Considering my lack of commitment in relationships, I've always tried my best to avoid a "close friend".
She was different. I had loads of untrustworthy buddies. But she had only one best friend. She never hesitated to create an enigma around her,and always blocked the way for timepass relations.
It was the first day of junior college. We both knew each other before but had only exchanged polite smiles. "She's sickly sweet and fake!" Cherry had thought.. "She has attitude!" I had thought.
Finally we both walked into the same classroom. The ELECTRONICS stream.. A week slowly passed. Walking in late into the class on the first day itself, I had no choice but to sit with a psychopath girl. Finally the golden day arrived when I gracefully picked up my bag and placed it next to Cherry. "Freeeedom!" I cried out loud. She started laughing! "I am so sorry you had to sit with that psychopath", she said sympathetically. From that very day, we were drawn to each other. We craved for free periods to sit and talk. Our wavelenghts literally coincided. We talked our heads off about everything! Our family, our interests, our weird incidents and off coursee the teenage "girl talk"!!!
 One fine day, after a huge tiring laugh, she said looking down.., "Sharvari is my only best friend till now, you know". "Hmm..That's nice", I replied.  " But I have soo much fun with you.. Your one of the nicest persons I've ever met Sangeetha!" she said smiling.  "Then do me a favour and please call me geethu for godsake!!" I said.
"You have always been very sweet with me since the beginning.. But I was soo wrong in judging  it as fake. It's truly real that you are actually that sweet and nice", she said those words with honesty.
 I was touched by her simple words. She never appreciated anything unless it was worthy. And those words rang like an achievement in my ears.. " I donno what to say cherry.. You are something that I've always missed. You are like my sister"  That was all I could say. " I am your sister" she replied smiling.
             "Careful idiot! You are gonna spoil these pillow covers!" Cherry cried in irritation. I grinned sheepishly. Holding a mehendi cone n one hand and a book in other, I slowly drew patterns on Cherry's tiny palms. " I am booking you as the official mehendi artist of my left palm in my wedding!" she said formally trying to hold a smile. "Really?? Are you kidding Cherry? I am soo honored!" I exclaimed. We promised to stay this close till the end.
Dreamum wakeupum critical condition.. Earthum quakepum hiladula sab shakeupum.. We danced furiously to the tunes.. Well.. I just shaked my hips.. she did the actual dancing.. Did I forget to mention, she is an amazing dancer too!!! LOL....
A personal note to cherry- Dont get too happy after readin this.. I wrote this just for eating your mom's yummy 'vatana' n 'vangi' bhaji! The only great thing you've taught me till now is the shortcut to wear a 131217.  rofl! ;)
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 "Kutty!" That title is the one which I adore a lot. I've always wanted to be referred to as something tiny. Hearing it from a guy sent a jolt of deja vu rushing through me. " Anna!!" I said, immediately. Yes, he was the big brother of my dreams.Super handsome and strong, crazy and caring , naughty and emotional. Perfect! I said to myself.. It was like making me smile was his only motive. We always have funny conversations, share nice stuff, pull each others legs, argue like anything!
"Now that you are my big brother, you have some major responsibilities", I said grimly, stifling a giggle.. "Like what,  kutty papa?" he said. I poured out all my demands.. 'Firstly you'll have to beat up any person who troubles me! Deal?" I said. He grinned.."Sure! No one gets to trouble my titli!"  I have loads and loads to write about him but since someone hates publicity (jerk! huh!), I am gonna just stop..
So here comes a note to mr. anna.. I am Super sorry to have violated your law regarding freedom of expression! Kindly accept this crime done by my natural instincts.. Love you!
ur titli.. :)               

The mush tale

"Maammma!! Pass me that jhumka! I wanna look prettier than you!". Mum laughed and handed out the jhumkas. We were getting ready for a wedding and with the usual "oohs and aahs" I had finally managed to get ready avoiding any drama or a moping session over my hairstyle. That gave mom real relief and pleasure! Inspecting me from head to toe meticulously she said "Hmm... You look gorgeous baby doll!! I guess I have competition this time.. Oh wait! But..."
"But what!?! " I exclaimed in surprise. These last minute ifs and buts always scared me out of my wits! She giggled meanly and said "Its nothing sweetheart,, YOu look great!" She was about to turn away when I caught her sharply " Amma! will you take the simple pain to tell me?" She giggled again.. "Nothing kannama.. Its just that.. You have a teeny tiny moustache which is kinnndoff .. I mean sortoff... clearly seen." "What?!?" I yelled in agony. "That is so not true!" I rushed towards the mirror pushing everyone on my way. And there it was.. I wondered how I had never realised any activity going on my face... And thats how the tale began..
From that day, I became unusually concious of that mush! Stopped wearing foundations or using compaqs or any of the stuff that made my face look fairer.. Mom and dad had ocassional  jokes and laughs about it privately, it sometimes became a sleepover topic but most of the time, I  knew I actually dint care a tuppence! A mush can devastate a normal girly girl's mind! But I was something more. I was a "lazy" girly girl.. Looks or fashion never mattered. " Yea!Watever" was the only response I gave.. I mean, whats so hilariously surprising that a girl has a teeny tinyy bit of mush! Not like I have a third eye like cyclopes! Please people get a job!!!
On one fine day, I was talking to a friend of mine when he suddenly exclaimed " Hey geeth!!! What's the matter with you nowadays! Trying some new style huh? " I was like "huh? Sorry?" He grinned like an idiot and said "How lucky you have a nice moustache! Am struggling for a stubble here!"
That sent a shock through me.. Cheers to geethu! Now even guys are gonna comment on my supposedly new "STYLE"!  I couldn't stand that insult. I walked off giving him a hostile glare!
    After hearing this incident, mom just.... ROFLDD!!!! PAng! Barcelona 2 Chelsea 0!  This was too much ! Seeing my embarassment mom thought for a while deeply and dragged me to a fairy land.. And zip zup zap! There goes my mush SNAP!! There were tears in my eyes. But it was worth it! I could suddenly see a great difference. A clean thread off! I looked like my dad after he had a clean shave! Thankfully, nobody noticed anything..
After a month, a voice piped in from the back bench.. "Somebody needs a razor ! Mush girl's back!" I dint bother to look behind and give my million dollar glare. "Shut up you guys!" my friend yelled at them angrily. "She'll grow a frenchbeard if she wants and that ought to be none of your business!".. I held her hand and silently murmured shaking my head" Time for a fairyland visit!".. ;)